Why Reality TV Marriages Are (Mostly) Doomed

As I write, my wife and I are critiquing Married at First Sight on New Zealand's Three, and we're discussing why most of the relationships we are viewing are doomed to fail.  Before I get into the dynamics of the couples, let me clarify.

Television is about storytelling. Everyone learns that a story has three main parts. Let's break them down.

1. The Beginning 

We meet our characters, and are told the premise of the story. In this case, a TV channel is hoping to capture ratings by "hooking" in the viewers and getting them addicted to a weekly fix of these characters. To do that, they must ensure that the characters are interesting, reasonably attractive, likeable and reasonably intelligent. A panel of relationship "experts" matches them up. We meet these relationship "experts" to explain the dynamics of the events we witness. We see the wedding ceremonies and a bit of a flash-back to events leading up to that most important of days. By now, you, the viewer, have a pretty good idea of who will work and who won't. You also have a pretty good indication of who your heroes will be and who will be your villains.  If you don't believe me, google Naz from a previous programme.  By the end of the series her goose was cooked with the NZ public, so much so that when she tried re-inventing her image on another reality series, (Dancing With The Stars), she was one of the first to go.

2. The Middle

We're into the honeymoon period and off we go to some exotic location. The pressure is on, as viewers look for any hint of intimacy, or any hint of conflict. You get a very clear indication of who the couples are who are actively listening to each other, and who are the ones actively seeking to get their rocks off.  One couple are good-naturedly bantering about the state of the weak tea he made. We never get to see if he asked her how she likes to take it.  The pressure is on. The "experts" are talking in the cutaways about sexual intimacy.  Don't forget that the couples have only met each other at the altar. There has been no courtship; no chance to get to know each other. They take part in a number of activities that most honeymooners would go on in the tropics.

When the honeymoon is almost over, the couples are introduced to each other. The "experts" point out that some couples will retreat into "foursomes" so that they can "dilute" the tension.  Alliances are formed, and if previous years are an indication, some foursomes quickly become threesomes. There is a lot of talk about "physical" and "sexual" attraction.  Little is said of getting to know each other, but some couples seem to naturally "get" this. You can tell them because they laugh a lot together.  About this time is when the conflicts will arise and we are left to conjecture how they will work things out. You get to see the growth of tensions, and some characters start to retreat into themselves.

3. The End

We've watched the stories unfold and we've made up our minds who we're gunning for or who we're cheering for. We delight when the nasty people get their comeuppance; whether it's a home truth uttered by their peers or the parting comments of a player who's had enough.

So why do I say "Doomed?"

That's the easy bit.  Sorry, but watching people who've been perfectly matched, getting on like a house on fire, falling in love before our eyes, showing besotted attention to the needs and whims of their spouse, talking sensibly about communication and compromise:- that's about as interesting as a series revolving around watching paint dry.  Audiences demand conflict, and any writer knows that there must be some form of conflict leading to a conclusion. Good ratings mean good advertising revenue. No-one is going to watch the undercoat dry. We want blood and guts.

Reality Television is the Bread and Circuses of the twenty-first century.  If you sign up and hope to meet Mr or Ms Right, you may get your wish, but that will be at the whims of the producers. I'm not even going to discuss the back-to-front way the whole concept is delivered. Society has "moved on" from the days where you met someone, got to know them, developed friendships, got married and then consummated the relationship.  These days you meet, have sex, decide if it was good enough, and then hopefully find out if there's more to your prospective partner than great technique.

Sorry contestants, but it's not in the interests of the company for you to experience that magical movie-like ending. They don't mind a bit of lust and laughter, but the bottom line is they want blood.

I was about to hit publish, when my wife, who is much wiser than me, remarked that the contestants knew what they were getting into. Social media has been buzzing about one contestant who had a friend query if she'd mentioned yet that she doesn't believe in marriage. From the body language and her comments, it would appear to be the case. Sadly, it doesn't seem that the husband knows this yet.

©2018 Owen McCarthy